Technology for the Country Folk

Try to read a Country Folk's tech Dictionary.. It may seem difficult to understand at first but you'll find the funny hidden meanings by reading it aloud to yourself ^^(from the Book, "Funny List" from acts29 publishing co.)

• LOG ON: Making a wood stove hotter 
• LOG OFF: Don’t add no more wood  
• MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the wood stove 

• MEGA HERTZ: When yer not keerful getting the farwood 

• FLOPPY DISC: Watcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood 
• RAM: That thar thing whut splits the farwood 
• WINDOW: Whut to shut when it’s cold in winter
• BYTE: Whut them dang flies do 
• CHIP: Munchies fer the 
• TVMICRO CHIP: Whut’s in the bottom of the minchie bag 
• LAP TOP: Whar ya hang da dang keys 
• ENTER: Northener talk fer, C’mon y’all 
• RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY: When ya can’t ‘member whut ya paid fer the rifle when yare wife asks 
• MOUSE PAD: That Hippie talk for the rat hole

Theology of Dogs and Cats

(from the Book, "Funny List" from acts29 publishing co.)

A dog says;

1. 1.They bring me food;

2. they give me love and affection

3. they must be gods

A cat says:

1. They bring me food;

2. They give me love and affection

3. I must be god.

Pick-up lines

This is really cheeeeessssyyyy =))

(from the Book, "Funny List" from acts29 publishing co.)

1. Was your father a thief? ‘Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
2. You must be tired because you’ve been running through my dreams all night.
3. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
4. I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away!
5. Was your dad king for a day? He must have been to make a princess like you.
6. Ere you in Girl Scouts? Because you sure have tied my heart in a knot.
7. What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in this room?
8. You are the reason men fall in love.
9. Excuse me…hi, I’m writing a term paper on the finer things in life, and I was wondering if I could interview you…
10. If you stood in front of a mirror and held up 11 roses, you would see 12 of the most beautiful things in the world.
11. Do you want to see a picture of a beautiful person? (hold up a mirror)
12. Can I borrow a quarter? [“What for?”] I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams.
13. Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.
14. Excuse me, but I think I dropped something!!! MY JAW!!
15. Hello I’m a thief, and I’m here to steal your heart.
16. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.
17. You’re like a dictionary; you add meaning to my life!
18. Hello. Cupid called. He says to tell you that he needs my heart back.
19. You’re so sweet! I’m getting cavities.
20. If I were bread, would you be my butter?
21. There’s a star in the sky for every time I think of you.
22. I’ve noticed you noticing me and I’m just giving you notice that I’ve noticed you.
23. I know somebody who likes you but if I weren’t so shy, I’d tell you who.
24. Statistically speaking the most effective pickup line of all time is “I love you”
25. If love were a drop of water, I’d be in Atlantic Ocean.
26. You know what I fell in? (What?) In love with you.
27. Hey c’mon, I’m ugly, you’re ugly, and it’s perfect.
28. I can’t wait until tomorrow. Somehow you get prettier every day.
29. “Ang ganda ng palabas ngayon, parang ikaw!”

Oxymorons

Look how two totally different words change meaning when combined =)) --from the Book, "Funny List" from acts29 publishing co.

· Jumbo Shrimp

· guest host

· mutually exclusive

· first-strike defense

· Department of Interior (responsible for everything outside…???..)

· Pretty ugly

· A little big

· Recently new

· Severely killed

· Union workers

· Good grief

· Friendly competitor

· Decent lawyer

· Quick reboot

· Quick fix

· Committed schedule

· Clean hack

· Violent agreement

· THIS PAGE IS INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK

· “Thank God I’m an Atheist!”

· Better than New

· On Size Fits All

· Tax Return

· Constant change

· Paperless office

· Rapid transit

· Freezer burn

· Inside out

· New classic

· Soft rock

· Definite maybe

· Act naturally

· Taped live

· Found missing

· 12-ounce pound cake

· Plastic glasses

· Advanced BASIC

· Exact estimate

· Extinct life

· Same difference

· Working vacation

· Clearly misunderstood

· Almost exactly

· Tight slacks

· Passive aggressive

· Silent scream

· Terribly pleased

· Sweet sorrow

· Small crowd

· Synthetic natural gas

· Genuine imitation

· Airline Food

· Political Science

· Government Organization

· Military Intelligence

· Temporary Tax Increase

· Rap Music

· Peacekeeping Force

· Childproof

· Religious Tolerance

· Christian Science

· Native American

· Evolutionary Theory

· Business Ethics

· Honest Politician

· Unwanted Baby

· Born dead

· Bit to big

· Thinking out

· Quiet loudspeaker

· The Grateful Dead

· Wind Burn

· Terribly Good

· Terrific Head Ache

· Good Clean Fun

· Resident alien

· Sanitary landfill

· Alone together

· Legally drunk

· Living dead

· Butt head

· Software documentation

· Peace force

· Army intelligence

· Living dead

· Heartfelt Politics

· Cafeteria Food

· Drawing a blank

· Positively negative

· Good fast food

· Deafening silence

· Mournful optimist

· Good beating

· Quiet riot

· Simple calculus

· Civil war

· Brilliantly dull

· Realistic liberal

· Silent screaming

· Shouting whispers

· Hell’s angels

· American beauty

· Silent Women

· The peace war

· Cat fish

· Ethiopian Feast

· Crappy super-villain

· Holy war

· New and improved

· Ghetto Punk

· Peaceful dragon

· Government assistance

· A fine mess

· Bittersweet

· Peaceful war

· Talkative mime

· Tactical mass destruction

· Courage the Cowardly dog